Friends, just when ns was sad the Thanksgiving is over, ns turned top top The real Housewives the Atlanta to view a drunken verbal fight the turns into a physics one, so it’s favor Turkey Day never ended. Hooray!

In every seriousness, i was no expecting “Rocky watercraft Horror Story” to it is in so … intense. Besides the soon-to-be-discussed altercation, there was lot talk of Kim Fields’s sex life, a not-so-surprising advance in the Porsha and also Duke relationship, and an ext shade was thrown than as soon as the Washington Redskins tweeted out a “Happy Thanksgiving” article like castle don’t know why the tweet coming from castle is trifling.gov/askasenator. Anyway, the pretty obvious that a lot walk on throughout this episode, therefore let’s simply dive right in and also discuss it all, chandelier we?

We open up with Kenya getting here unannounced at Sheree’s house. Guys and also gals, this Kenya obsession v Sheree’s house business is like the “fetch” that Mean Girls. Why the hell room the producers and Kenya do the efforts to make this non-plot among the main ones the the season? Sheree’s crib no done. Kenya’s crib no done. And neither of them will ever be done because they are freaking Housewives, which way that by meaning the world on these shows are creating checks they can’t cash. But I digress. Kenya shows up and sees Sheree mid-sweep and also Kenya is like, “I wanna check out the inside of your house,” and also starts gyeongju Sheree to the back, so she can get inside. N. O. See, this is why you need to snatch a woman’s wig favor it’s the last cursed pig in a blanket at your job’s vacation party. Play or not, it’s super bizarre to see someone shot to physically obtain into someone else’s home, especially when simply a week ago, the two human being were at every other’s throats. Thankfully, this “lemme watch your house” video game stops and also the two seem to acquire along — just minor the shade is gift thrown, i m sorry is the best we can hope because that at this point. Kenya invites Sheree come a party she throwing as a pick-me-up because that Cynthia top top Lake Lanier. A’ight, this is actually nice that Kenya and I’m no sure how to handle it. Sheree’s down to party, and then the two of them make a bet that whoever no move into their house by Christmas needs to clean the other person’s crib. And I shoot myself in the vagina since that pains is better than hearing about these gahtdamn houses.

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Porsha and Phaedra room at a sex shop, which is favor a low-budget Frederick’s the Hollywood. Porsha desires some spicy lingerie come wear because that her and also Duke’s chat application sessions. Admittedly, several of the lingerie is actually kind of cute, yet a lot of the bedazzled bras are providing me maj “Bidi Bidi Bom Bom” vibes. Ns mean, who requirements that numerous rhinestones increase in their bed? among them is liable to get unglued and also end up what it no belong. But different strokes for various folks. With her purchases made, Porsha heads home to Skype with bae. Other than it no happen since Duke tells her he’s going come call, however then an hour passes and also nothing. Um, yeah, that pretty aer to have your boobs propped up like an iPhone screen at the Verizon store just to have the male you favor not be interested. Seeing the composing on the wall, Porsha calls Phaedra and also says she’s trying too difficult to make this relationship work. Phae Phae co-signs, being the great friend she is, and also says fight it out is no the one. And also folks, the is just how “The Ballad of Porsha and Duke” ends.

Cynthia comes over to visit Kandi, who, every doctor’s orders, is functioning from home. Still, Cyn thinks the Kandi have to be working less and that’s when Kandi is like, “Todd and also I desire to run a restaurant, for this reason we placed in a bid because that a building.” Uhhhhh, okay. I hope the infant will survive Kandi’s workaholic ways. The conversation turns to Cynthia’s marriage. She says she might have to acquire out of that if this critical attempt no work, come which Kandi responds, “Drama sucks, but you nothing want prosper old and lonely.” YES, since THE WORST thing THAT CAN occur TO A woman IS that SHE IS SINGLE. Never ever MIND gift IN A LOVELESS marital relationship WITH A DUDE WHO may OR might NOT be BEHAVING INAPPROPRIATELY v WOMEN as soon as HE IS the end OF TOWN. THE TRUE TRAGEDY IS NOT having SOMEONE to SHARE yellow BOND powder WITH. How deserve to Kandi be together a feminist and also write girl-power anthems, then say part dumb mess like this? Screw the patriarchy for screwing up people’s brains, y’all. Relocating on.

Phaedra and also Kim’s youngsters have a play date at Phae’s house and also they have the opposite of the Kandi and Cynthia’s conversation:

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Kim realizes she’s lost herself in she marriage and motherhood. Aww. This is something the a lot of women walk through and I feel prefer Phae will certainly be the perfect human being to assist bring Kim earlier to life. The 2 are clearly hitting that off and they vow to carry class back to Atlanta. LOL times two. Go Kim know what present she is on? RHOA is not about class; it’s around grown black ladies fighting due to the fact that that’s what Harriet Tubman wanted as soon as she led servants on the secret Railroad.

It’s the job of the watercraft party. Cynthia invites her girlfriend Tammy, that Porsha later on says looks choose Miley Cyrus, and also Kenya calls she a “stray” since of food she does. Once Kenya learns that Tammy is friends with Sheree’s ex-husband, Kenya warms up, start digging for information, and tries to acquire Tammy to say the Sheree is a gold digger. OMG! throughout town, we view a party bus choose up the various other ladies. Kim is hitting that off v Kandi. Kim wants to summer sprouts up she sex life and we discover that she doesn’t wear underwear! ns feel like half the battle when it comes to sex is getting in the the atmosphere to take it off your Target undies because that the same old tired peen you’ve been banging because that years. If Kim is walk commando, then what’s the problem? us don’t uncover out because Porsha and also Shamea run in the van and also the four women automatically talk about Cynthia’s relationship. Porsha is #TeamCynthiaAndPeterStayTogether. Sigh. Look, if ns didn’t have an high value weave in my head, I’d be take it it the end of my head. Peter is trash and his marital relationship needs to die. Ns really wish anyone would protect against telling Cynthia otherwise.

Everyone arrives at the boat and things loss apart instantly. Let us count the ways:

(1) Kenya makes it known to everyone that she didn’t invite Shamea and also doesn’t desire her there. Exactly how does she make this known? By saying to Porsha in front of everyone, “When you’re invite to a party, you nothing invite other people.” Of food this is true, however everyone is already on the damn boat, therefore maybe just send that detail in a Gchat instead of when you’re only inches far from the wig adhesive of the person you’re trying to embarrass.

(2) at the drinks-and-pedicure section of the party, Kenya speak Tammy that she have to go an initial because she has actually jacked-up ballerina feet.

(3) somehow we finish up ~ above the topic of people’s ages. Kenya goes, “KIM IS FIFTY!” Kim responds v a “WHAT? ns 46,” and then in the talk head, she says that she’s only a couple of months older than Kenya, therefore girl, bye.

(4) Kenya gathers every the ladies around. She explains that the genuine reason they’re all there: “Cynthia is having actually a tough time in her marriage and also since I’m among her ideal friends —”

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First of all, just how did Kenya pertained to the conclusion that she is Cynthia’s ideal friend? Secondly, why would certainly she case her like that in front of everyone? that’s like as soon as you’ve been on a pair dates v someone and also then they readjust their standing on facebook to “In a Relationship.” once you watch that, you don’t go, “Aww.” you like, “With who? since it damn certain ain’t me.” Kenya is equal parts messy (dropping the best-friend heat to show that she a much better friend come Cynthia 보다 the various other ladies are) and also thirsty (claiming someone together their best friend as soon as the friendship is shorter than the size of time Breaking bad was top top the air). Thankfully, Cynthia ignores this trash and just as Sheree mirrors up, Cyn states the day should not be about her. Once again, Sheree and Kenya room nice to every other and it’s hella weird. Earlier to the perform of how the boat party was a train wreck.

(5) Tammy speak Kandi that she and her son must work together. Apparently, he’s a rapper who has a track out the no one knows. Probably because it sounds favor a disapprove from the Empire soundtrack.

(5a) Tammy then claims they should set up a meeting, for this reason Kandi deserve to sign him. Mental you, a mere 15 seconds before this statement, she didn’t even know that Kandi had actually a label since Google no exist.

(5b) Tammy, that is black, describes her husband as white … favor Nazi white. Everyone pretty much reacts to this weird-as-hell summary the method I do as soon as I order something incredibly healthy and also a frenemy goes, “Oh, yet I believed you to be on a diet.”

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Bitch betta permit me eat mine carbs/You should understand me fine enough. Moving on.

So Kim finishes she pedi and also what go she try to do? Sit in a corner, check out a book, and eat some trail mix. Okay, the is a sad chaos that would be in the very first five minutes of a Hallmark Movie Channel film referred to as Santa, Send Me a male or a Vibrator come Clear out the Cobwebs the Are currently Over mine Vajeen. Kenya walks over and also throws the snacks turn off the boat and then the women (minus Kim and Kandi) carry out shots. Honestly, I’d rather eat some Planters peanuts and read some an AARP magazine than carry out multiple shots ~ above a speeding watercraft with a crew of human being who space prone to fight. But everything appears to it is in going fine — until Kenya’s product start party comes up. Kenya mentions how Shamea is rude, which only make Shamea ruder because that’s exactly how she rolls, therefore Kenya goes to obtain the captain come escort she off the boat. Yikes. Porsha speak Cynthia come go manage her “best friend.” Cynthia says there space other best friends who have also done questionable things and also then Porsha is like, “Who, bitch?” and also that sets Cynthia off. Porsha claims she was simply playing, which i believe, but Cynthia does no for part reason. Normally, I would say it’s since the fight is fake, but honestly, Cyn is in so lot pain around Peter, that seemed prefer she wanted to lash the end at the very first person she could. Kim tries to diffuse the dispute by saying to Cynthia, “Let me read to you.” Why is Kim acting like she’s Viola Davis and also Cyn is just one of those white babies in The Help who demands the indict of a non-threatening negro? together to the M to the A come the O.

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The ladies ultimately convince Porsha to apologize come Cyn simply smooth things over. Porsha goes end to Cynthia and also says she doesn’t know what happened. They’re talking over every other. No one is listening and also now this non-problem is a very large problem. Cyn demands that unless Porsha is walking to offer a real apology, she demands to to walk away. Porsha climate calls she fake, the two call each other bitches, climate they put their hands on each other, and you guessed it. We watch “TO be CONTINUED” on our TV screens. Walk by the screams we hear, ns going come assume that someone in this struggle got really jacked up. Mine money is on Porsha win the showdown since we all have seen her execute this:

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Cynthia picked the wrong person, y’all.

All righty, what did girlfriend think of critical night’s episode? anyone surprised by just how Cynthia go from 0 to 100 over the word bitch?